How Are You Doing? A Mental Health Check-In

Sweet friends, I’m wondering how you’re all doing. 

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write this and share it with you or not. It’s pretty vulnerable but I hope that even if one person feels less alone, it was worth it to share. Our collective mental health is important.

With the state of the world and the chaos happening in the United States, I’m finding it harder and harder to move through my day. Some moments, I’m able to push it all aside and work on building my beautiful Yellow Studio for all of you, and in other moments, I’m overwhelmed by the atrocities happening around us and it feels like I’m pushing myself through molasses trying to get anything done. 

I realized last night after watching a 60-second TikTok video of the Prime Minister in Canada speaking to the United States as if we were his enemy that I’m not okay. I mean, we have never been the actual enemy of Canada. None of this is “okay”. None of US are likely “okay”. Yes, we can find those okay moments but deep within, are any of us really okay? I wanted to cry after hearing the Prime Minister’s words but I was mid-chore taking care of my little diabetic kitty and I held it together to get it all done. I distracted myself by making a quick dinner, eating, and heading to bed to watch a show much earlier than I normally would. I was craving the distraction. The problem with distraction is that it’s only good for a limited time. Eventually, all of these emotions surrounding the situation are going to burst through. 

I woke up this morning a little stuffy - still getting over a cold. I took care of the kitty’s morning medicine and then headed up to my desk. I planned to start the morning working on the art assignments from a color class that I’m in this month but when I got upstairs, George (our loud cat) was meowing at the door. In his old age, he’s become insatiable and wants to go in and out constantly. We used to be able to just leave the cat door open for him but we have to know where the sick kitty is at all times and can no longer leave it open. If I turn some music on, George will usually calm down and rest instead of being stressed that the door is shut. I turned on the music, then sick kitty, Rocky, came to me and wanted to be held. He used to love to get held as a young cat and then in his “teen” years, he no longer wanted it. Ever since he got sick, he’s been wanting to be held again. I absolutely love it. He’s so cuddly and sweet. I picked him up and a song came on – Stephen Sanchez’ “Easy on My Eyes”. It’s a slow, pretty song and although it has nothing to do with the state of the world, everything came crashing down in that moment. Holding the kitty wondering if he’ll be okay and for how long, thinking about the terrible state of our country, and trying to reconcile all of the beautiful things that have happened so far this year too. I began crying, softly at first and then rather loudly (as Lizzie Gordon calls it - scream crying). 

I allowed myself to cry until I felt like stopping. I blew my nose and wiped my eyes with tissues and then I sat, holding the cat in my arms tight, listening to him purr. My sweetie person came inside to get his shoes and get ready to head to the city. I asked him if he needed a hug and gave him one – telling him while we were hugging that it was ME that needed the hug. Then we sat and talked. I checked with him on how he’s feeling about everything and whether or not the news and information was making him feel down. His brain works so differently from mine. I worry about everyone and everything that I learn about and often can’t turn off the worry. He is great at compartmentalizing his worries. He puts the worries for others outside of his control into a box – he cares and hopes for the best for them but knows realistically that he isn’t likely to be able to help. Then he puts the other worries about people he might be able to help in another box and seeks out ways to help where and when possible. Last, he puts the worries about us and our immediate family into the biggest, most important box, paying close attention to when we need to take action to stay safe. Somehow my worries are all in one huge box and it’s often hard to figure out which worries to hold on to and which to let go of with hopes for things to get better. I appreciate this idea of placing my worries in boxes, carrying only the ones that I can do something about. I’m going to attempt to sort through my huge box of concerns and see if there is a way to compartmentalize better. I don’t think it does any good if we are all out of our minds worrying about every single thing in the entire world but I do still think it’s important for us to know what is going on. I continue to try to walk that fine line of knowing without taking it all into my heart. 

Does the box analogy help you? Are you able to compartmentalize your thoughts and worries? Or are you struggling like me with one huge box filled with so much worry that sometimes you don’t know how you’ll get through the day doing anything productive? 

I’m checking in on you and I truly want to know. You can email me privately if it feels too vulnerable to leave a comment. I truly hope you all are doing okay and are making it through each day with some sort of semblance of normalcy. Just know that you are all in my worry box and in my heart and that, I don’t want to change.